New Zealand 2005The Really Big Challenge
by AST tour member - Ian Marsden
One of the most interesting issues facing cricketing tourists is what one should do on the days in between the one-day series. At least some of the group on the New Zealand tour found golf to be the answer.
The “Funky Miller 4-ball Challenge” became an event providing a level of competition that surpassed the main events on the cricket field.
The first round attracted eight competitors. However, through injury and competing attractions, the field diminished to four for the two final rounds. It proved to be a quality field!
The main challenge became known as the “pro” event contested between the “staff” team and the Pensioners. Played over three separate rounds, the staff team comprised Colin (Funky) Miller and Sam (Shifty) Harrison. The Pensioners (a name derived from pejorative comments made by Funky) comprised Ken (Dusty) Miller and Yours Truly (hereafter “Y.T.”)
The first match took place at the Mirimar course, adjacent to the Wellington airport. The Pensioners overcame a “two-down” deficit after 9 holes, not to mention a 50-year age disadvantage, to win running away by 2-up. . Dusty brought the opposition close to tears with a succession of pars off a 23 handicap. Highlights included Funky’s successive lost tee shots on the 5th hole, both of which cleared adjacent houses to land in the street to which they fronted. Another shot of similar shape found the airport car park. Y.T. was forced to inquire how many sixes Funky had scored during his test career over extra cover.
The second match took place at the Maraenui Course outside Napier. On this occasion, the Pensioners led all the way, and were never headed. Although the score line was a mere 1-up, the match was always under control. Shifty, showing the same propensity for the slice as his partner, attempted to mount a late revival by birdying the 17th. It can modestly be recorded that Y.T. knocked in two 25-foot pars for halves at crucial points of the match, and broke his handicap by several shots.
Down two-zip in a three match contest, the staff team were intent on salvaging the sportsman’s’ last frontier, PRIDE! Shifty and Funky put great thought into selecting a course that would act to their advantage. Length, they concluded, was the key. Given Funky’s tendency to slice, the Pensioners suggested that what he needed was not length but width!
The Clearwater Resort course is approximately the same length as the distance between the North and South islands of New Zealand, and contains roughly the equivalent amount of water. The rough embraces the ball in a lovers grip, and fields of waist-high sword grass line most of the holes without lakes.
All this notwithstanding, the Pensioners sprang to a four-up lead after nine holes, and still lead by two with three holes to play. Shifty produced a lucky birdie on the 16th at which time it was decided to carry out an inventory of the remaining balls. This revealed a combined total of four with which to complete the remaining two holes. Not without a degree of pessimism, the competitors were reduced to fishing out a couple of lost balls from the greenside lake with the assistance of the 16th flagstick. Only by this means was either team able to complete the match.
Funky, who occasionally joined into the match from adjacent fairways, produced a remarkable par on the 17th when he appeared from an adjoining orchard. The Pensioners never ceased to wonder how someone who could deliver such penetrating and accurate cricket briefings could play such wayward golf. However, his par squared the match. Dusty, who played brilliantly for the first ten holes, had shot his bolt and disappeared from view. Y.T was unable to hold them down the 18th, Shifty’s relentless bogie being sufficient to create a 1-up win.
In the match debrief, conducted over one or two large cold ales, the Pensioners concluded that they were probably suffering from the traditional Australian “dead rubber syndrome”. It was also agreed that neither of us had ever played any opponent with pink hair. However, given the 50 year age gap, Shifty’s audacious self-handicap, and the staff teams undoubted advantage of controlling course selection, the Pensioners came to the conclusion that a 2/1 score line was a fair result that accurately reflected the respective merits of the two teams!
Seriously now, the golf matches were great fun, and played amid great company. Dusty and Y.T. both felt privileged to play three great New Zealand golf courses all at modest cost, and this added an unexpected ingredient to our enjoyment of a ripping tour. Both Shifty and AST are to be congratulated on their efforts. Ann and I can hardly wait for South Africa!
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Funky limbers up on the practice fairway before the first round at Mirimar Golf Club
Brian "The Big Easy" Ellis tees it up at Mirimar
Funky contemplates his tee shot into the Wellington Airport Long Stay Carpark
The 19th hole was played well by all...
The "Pensioners" were unable to overcome the distraction of Funky's pink hair in the 3rd round
Winners are grinners - Ian and Dusty celebrate a 2-1 victory in the "Funky Miller 4-ball Challenge" |
